I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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