He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize