No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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