It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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