P.S. I can't hear my feet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
