my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
