So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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