this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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