kristin has been a bad kristin
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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