So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
