I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize