i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
