you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
