You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
