Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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