what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
