We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
