I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
