I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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