Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
