3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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