Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
