P.S. I can't hear my feet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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