the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
