Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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