Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize