We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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