Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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