I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just had sex on a roof
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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