Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
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it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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