He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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