She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
