Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
