They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
