after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
