well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
