I think I am morally bankrupt
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
