I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love you. Go after that dick
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
