You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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