We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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