You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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