You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
