its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
