I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
