I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
