I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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