and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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