I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
