as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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