he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
