i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
