If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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