i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
