Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
