Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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