I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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