some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
