My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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