my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There are leaves in my underwear?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize