And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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