You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
