don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
