That's when you crack a 10am beer
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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