You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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