Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
