Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ttyl tear gas
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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