When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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